During the 80’s and 90’s Christian groups poured tons of money into what they termed ‘Conversion Therapy’. The goal of the therapy was to turn gay people straight.
Conversion therapy was a complete failure. Not only did it fail to make gay people straight, it often resulted in increased anxiety, shame and depression for ‘failed patients’. Many people committed suicide following participation in conversion therapy.
While many might argue that sexual orientation and kink are totally different things, my expert opinion is that the same way that sexual orientation is hard wired in the brain, so are many other sexual drives.
The therapy I provide is based on this science based philosophy; the philosophy that the need for bdsm/kink/fetish etcetera is written into our genetic code. It is as much of who we are as is our hair and eye color.
This can be good news or bad news, depending on how you look at it.
The bad news is that if you try to force yourself, either alone or with the help of professionals, to be ‘normal’, you will fail. There are a multitude of reasons why kinky people want to be ‘vanilla’: life is easier for people who easily fit into the mainstream, ‘vanilla people’ don’t have to worry about ‘coming out’ to potential new partners—nor deal with the issue of whether they should come out to an existing partner, they don’t have to worry about friends, family and business associates finding out about their alternative orientation. There is often an interpersonal downside to being kinky. And even if you aren’t struggling with any of those issues, there is often shame, pain and a feeling of isolation associated with being different from other people.
It is important to address the difficulties associated with being kinky. To deny those issues is to add to an already confusing and difficult situation.
If you are reading this blog and feeling hopeless, please continue to read because there is hope.
The good news is that there are benefits to living your life in a way that fulfills, rather than denies, your sexuality.
What if, instead of trying to fight or suppress your needs, you embraced them? Fulfilling the need for kink can mean different things for different people. Some people are in a position to be open with their partners about their needs; others don’t feel that they can. People are able to come out to friends and family to varying degrees.
Whether you are able to engage in kink with a partner, or you feel compelled to keep this part of your life totally private, there are ways to come to terms with your sexual needs so that you can be at peace about them.
And if you are in a position where you can engage in the kink activities you are driven toward, you will find that your life is richer, happier, and enriched in ways you never anticipated.